Hello Substack!
Tap, tap, tap, tap…the keyboard clacked.
“No, that’s not it” she huffed.
Tap, tap, tap…delete…
“Not quite right either…” Writing an introduction seemed harder than her normal ways of writing. How do you write about yourself while taking all of the attention off of yourself, she wondered.
She stared at the wall for a good while.
Her eyes heavy from the lack of sleep last night - the baby was teething.
“Mama, are you coming?” her four year old wondered from the bathroom…he was waiting for some help wiping.
*big huff*
“Ok, I’ll come back to this in a minute”.
*A few minutes later*
She had tried to be an influencer for the last 12 years with no success. She could never commit to the task of truly throwing herself to her desire for worldly validation but even still, she had become addicted to the praise. Constantly at war with her flesh and what she knew was right.
One Lent, 2 years ago, she felt that she should give up social media for the 40 days after seeing how much her striving was hurting her growing family.
There was a withdrawal period at first and then…freedom!
So, she did it again the next year; another 40 days off social media and the most important part, the time off supplanted by time with God.
At the end of this Lent, she was convinced that she should never go back on social media again. But there was this deep stirring in her heart, the same that had been there before the days of instagram, that begged her to reconsider.
Was this stirring just the fear from her flesh that didn’t want to give up the constant hunt for validation? Or was it something else? She put it off for quite some time and continued to stay off social media.
One morning, she was reading Matthew 5 and the part about salt & light leapt off the pages.
“God, am I hiding your light under a basket by not sharing of the ways I’ve seen you work in my life?” she questioned out loud. “I’m terrified of what people will think. I’m terrified that I’ll lead people astray! I’m terrified that I’ll be outcasted from my family!”
She sat quietly and then came a whisper, a firm whisper.
“Speak boldly, for I am your God.”
“Yes, Father. I am your servant”.
She still wondered though as she was new to hearing from God, if this was actually him or just the voice in her head. It lined up with scripture though…maybe it was him.
In the following weeks, the verse about salt & light came up several times.
***A Message to Her Mother***
“I’ve been wrestling with whether sharing things online is something that God has placed on my heart or whether I’m trying to fulfill a selfish desire for worldly praise.
In just the past few weeks the section in Matthew where Jesus talks about being salt & light has come up enough times for me to notice.
Am I hiding my light by not sharing?
Is this something God is calling me into so that I can grow through it?
How do I value God’s opinion of me over other people?
Am I self-preserving by not sharing because I’m afraid of being truly vulnerable?
Is it possible that I’m saying “God has put this on my heart” so that I can indulge my sin of seeking worldly praise with a mirage of God’s blessing over it?
I’ve read my bible enough to know that God is certainly not happy when people choose to walk in the other direction of what he’s asked them to do.
When I asked God what he wanted me to do I felt like I heard him say: “Speak boldly for I am your God”.
Meaning, “Sarah, quit your overthinking and do the thing! I am your judge, not other people and what they have to say about what you share. You do this for me”.
I know that you feel you hear from God too. Is it wrong if I ask you to ask him as well if I’ve heard him correctly?
***Her Mother’s Reply***
“Hmmm, let me think and pray on this for a little bit before I respond. It all sounds good but I want to see if God is saying anything through me to encourage you.”
***The Final Response***
“I hear the fear in your thoughts, so my inclination is to step into the fear because that’s just the enemy throwing up road blocks.
{Gentle and Quiet} Are the words I’m hearing when I pray.
So my thought is: move forward in whatever platform you find speaks to your heart.
Don’t worry if you get only 1 like or 1 million likes. Your audience is God alone, your creator and breath of life”.
Alright, well, here it goes then.
She typed:
“Hi, my name is Sarah and I’ve got some God stories to share.”
“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:14-16